Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize