so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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