I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
