I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize