You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
