Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
