i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My life is pants optional.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
