You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
