Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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