So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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