i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
