this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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