yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize