college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
