u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sponge bath it is.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
