you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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