lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This house was built for laser tag.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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