I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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