I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
