It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
