i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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