If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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