Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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