I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i have two assholes
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
