Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
