hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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