Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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