When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize