Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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