this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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