It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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