Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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