I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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