I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
