is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
