Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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