This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
