So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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