i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
