we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
