enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
