I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
