I feel great
I just peed on a car
you have to choose: penises or morals?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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