you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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