last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never joke about your clitoris.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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