This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
