Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
