well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
