I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He shit in the fireplace
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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