idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
