My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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