Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can I color on your dick again?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
