I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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