i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Come share oat with me in your robe
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
