My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
