Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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