Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
