The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
