i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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