He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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