508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
