Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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