did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize