I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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