i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The Olympian is in my bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
