I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
