somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
