I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
