do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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