whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
