I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
