He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
